Summary after the break.
Day 1 – Half-Elf Ranger and Half-Elf Warlord present
The day is young. Mist creeps over the Mountains of Knowledge, and the two brothers, Leyf and Blarrrfingarrr Hamneras, take in deep breaths. They have just concluded their apprenticeships to masters who live on the mountain. Hundreds of feet below, they see the city of Didax, sprawled out across the earth. Newly equipped with their possessions and a journal (“I didn’t teach you to read and write for nothing”), they set off down the mountain path to the city. A satyr named Timml bounds down from the rocks above.
“I shoot him with an arrow.”
Wait, what? But he’s your guide!
“I shoot him with two arrows.”
Welcome to day one. Dots and Milk Duds in hand, we’re in for a day of just doing whatever the hell they want.
The pair of brothers approach the city, and Timml (now called Timnus). They fail the password into the city, but the guards Bilius and Theodore let them in anyway. They walk into a bar looking for a fight, but it’s heavily populated so through much convincing of the incredibly pugnacious Ranger, they leave. They then head aimlessly towards the Commercial district, as I endlessly talk the Ranger out of picking everyone’s pockets and asking what everyone’s level is. Getting to the district they visit a Silversmith and plot to eventually steal a massive fork hanging from the ceiling. They also pop in on a clockmaker and notice a blunderbuss mounted on the wall, and offer to buy it for a crazy low price but neglect to ask where that contraption was even created (it hasn’t been invented yet). They also visit a boatshop, where they sell boat supplies but no boats (the boats are made and stored next to bodies of water, for efficiency’s sake.).
Then they go to the market area of the Commercial district and buy three apples. They thenceforth put on a show and milk the crowd for around 160-something gold pieces. With their newly-forged loot, they decide to let the responsible Warlord be the party banker (he is the leader, after all). Afterwards, they carry (well, moreso drag) an ill old lady to the hospital. Turns out she’s come down with a nasty case of Copropphrophris (I totally made that word up on the spot). First symptom: bbrrrrr noises (vibrating your lips together, sort of like what you’d do to pretend to be a horse or a helicopter). At the hospital, they ask for four facemasks. They are given them and kicked out.
Outside the hospital, Timnus comes running. They are allowed to exchange notecards, but for every one exchanged, Timnus gets 1/5 closer to them. After four notecards (two of which say “I hate dat bitch”), the Ranger hides in the alleyway and the Warlord “Diplomacizes” with Timnus, although he really didn’t have to, as Timnus is already an ally. He informs them that there’s an audition/interview/fight-people-to-prove-skills-assembly in the Assembly Hall, of all places, in one hour. Timnus then escorts them for a while. They head to the pet shop
At the pet shop, they look for dragon eggs. They do not find any. The wizened eladrin owner (wizened…curious…) tells them he catches exotic pets, not savage beasts. On their way out, the Ranger throws a hobo 20 silver pieces and the hobo throws up on his feet.
“Eeew.”
“Bbrrrrr.”
“Oh s***.”
Next door is a place labeled JP’s Emporium of Rare and Magical Artefacts. Inside they meet JP.
“Dey call me JP, cuz I’m Just Perfect.”
“I got some real good slip here, I’m tellin’ ya.”
Yes, he’s black. And his real name is “Pearson. Jacquez Pearson.”
They ask for free stuff, but JP is no ignoramus. They ask if they can sneak through his back wares to evade who they call a stalker (Timnus) and JP instantly allows them to. “Say no more, I got you. Dem stalkers’s trouble, bro.” As they sneak down the back alley, JP calls behind them, “Stay away from Rec 20!” Their curiosity is piqued, but they just keep on going, knowing they’ll get to Rec 20 eventually. Unfortunately, Rec 20 is too far away, and they go to the Assembly Hall a half-hour early. There they meet Captain Swagg, the supervisor of the event. Turns out he’s drafting to assemble a military squadron in hopes that with the squadron’s success, he’ll be seen as a good leader and manager and be promoted to Major. Major Swagg.
The first battles are one-on one scuffles til bloodied. One opponent is disqualified for using ranged weapons, and the other one is defeated. XP is earned. And that’s where we stop.
—
Day 2 – Half-Elf Warlord, Human Wizard, Dwarf Fighter, and Naturechild (Shifter) Paladin present
About half way through the exposition, These four are assembled in Captain Swagg’s office. The room and characters are build out of LEGO bricks, as per usual. It looks so good, so color-coordinated. Blue everywhere. Captain Swagg has a monologue, which is interrupted at first quite often, until I say that I’ve only got a page or so here (handwritten, mind you), so take notes for five minutes and then we can get back to playing normally. The monologue is reprinted here. Read in the voice of Rick the Adventure Sphere:
Congratulations, the four of you. You know, there’s a lot of stuff I should probably fill you in on, so I’ll make this as brief as I can.
Don’t worry about your friend. He came down with Copropphrophris overnight, He’s being treated in the hospital. He didn’t come into contact with infected people, did he?
“Uhhh, no?” (yes, very much so)
Within Hyperion’s Military Forces, there are a few distinguished divisions. There’s the Hyperion National Guard, the Hyperion Gifted Forces, and the Hyperion Regiment Elect. You’re a part of the latter division, which is further divided into subunits called Squadrons.
Normally, to authorize the crateion of a squadron, you’d need an edict issued by someone higher up than I, so…uh…you’re not as of yet officially recognized. Nevertheless, you all must bear blue (hands the Warlord a blue epaulette) and carry your identification badges whenever you’re on duty. Which is, as a squadron member, all the time.
You may ask why I assembled you. Well, I figure that if you guys are as excellent as you appear to be, that through your deeds the higher ups will notice my leadership skills and I’ll finally be promoted to Major.
Speaking of rank, one of you should be designated as Sergeant. (The Warlord’s hand instantly shoot up.).
Thought I should mention figures of note. There’s Regent Rex Godson XIV, our, well, regent. Prime Minister Duzhenbask (cue everyone referring to him as douchebag. I did not expect this. I always heard stories of these things occurring, but never expected it to be true.) heads the legislation. Of course there’s Viceroy Valman. Viceroy of the northern half of Hyperion. There is no southern viceroy. Marshal Erasmus Ersatz, “MDE” as we call him, is the head honcho here in the military (In case you were wondering, the D stands for double). Beneath him are a whole bunch of people. YOu don’t need to know them right now, you’ll find out later.
Going back to what’s relevant to you, there are 3 tiers of Hyperion’s Regiment elect. 1st tier is for the newbies. Up at 3rd, there are only and have always been 9. Ant, Asp, Elk, Gorilla, Mongoose, Newt, Panther, Rat, and Toad (“So is Toad the highest?” “No, it’s just alphabetical.” “Huh, so it is.”) I bet you noticed something. Yes, in keeping with the bestial nomenclature, you are all part of our newest squadron, the Sparrow Squadron–
“Eeew I hate that name.”
“Can we be something different?”
“The Tigermoths!”
“What? But I selected that specifically…”
“Can we be dragons?”
“You can’t be mythical creatures, even if they are real. Only normal animals.”
“So no dragons then?”
“I’ve got a list here. (rattles them off).”
“The wolves!”
“YEAH!”
“You have to imagine that the wolves would probably have been taken.”
“Vultures!”
“Ravens!”
“RAVENS YEAH!”
“So you guys wanna be the Ravens?”
“(in unison) YEAH!!!)”
“Okay…”
“Let’s go visit JP!”
“Who’s JP?”
“Ohhh, you’ll see. You’ll like him.”
If you’re looking for something to do, there are reports of a possible uprising in Innsbruck, but I don’t think you’re quite ready for that. Locally, I don’t know too much, but I have an old acquaintance up by the pet shop. Don’t recal his name. Sells all sorts of stuff. HE knows the local dirt.
They leave the office. Simultaneously, the Paladin and the Warlord shout, “To the Pet Shop!”
Our band of now-policemen go and visit JP. The Fighter bursts out laughing when he hears his name. I knew I made a good character. At first, he’s panickey because he thinks they’re there for an inspection, but they convince him that they aren’t. He tells them about Rec 20, warning them that he did time in that “Stem joint” himself, eventually telling them about Marium and how they get it from Sothet, and even about rumours of it being under police protection.
“To Rec 20!”
Just after disrupting services in the temple to Ioun, goddess of knowledge, the Dwarf fighter, whose blue is covered by his beard, enters Rec 20 and talks to the guy behind the drug bar. Playing a stoner is so fun. I got to be all spacey and trail some of my sentences off and play with the fluctuation in my voice and have occasional bouts of random laughter. Anyway, after some info is extracted, the Warlord bursts in and everyone rolls for initiative! Cue Stoner tunes followed by Kirby Superstar Battle Music.
The fight against 3 bandits with facemasks (to ward off the fumes) and the stoner guard bartender is intense, but luckily we have two defenders, one of which has healing powers, and a leader with healing powers as well. They are triumphant, and slay all the guards in the room. They hail a streetcop to take the customers (hiding in the storeroom) downtown, and also find 200 gp, an ounce of high-quality Marium (the rest isn’t nicely baggied or is diluted or used), and for some odd reason, a +1 Magic Staff. By the way, the wizard’s Thunderwave attack is frikkin amazing. Rolling hits every time, and even a critical at least once per encounter…
They then decide to go to a set of caverns that they noticed. They’re pitch-black, so the wizard uses the Light cantrip. We lower the shades and illuminate the table with a torchlight, putting on Legend of Zelda dungeon music. By doing History checks, they learn that the water for the city comes from underground aquifers, the sources of which lie deep in the mountains. The Paladin drinks the water and I have him make a saving throw, which he succeeds against, but that’s a tipoff that something isn’t right. The first encounter has them pitted against three rats (mere minions) and a surprise guest — a (corrupted) water elemental! They lead it out of the water and make grab attacks, managing to stuff half of him into two canteends before having to slay the rest outright. With each quarter tucked away, the rest of it loses power. XP is awarded.
Back in the city, they buy a map of the country and try to sneak into the hospital to see the Ranger. They do so by bluffing that the Paladin is ill. Unfortunately, the hospital staff believes them and quarantine the Paladin, sending the other tree out. (Paladin had to go home.)
They manage to sell their two canteens for 325gp apiece. Abusing the Religion check. “From God” becomes a catchphrase. Frikkin Wizard.
“They’re canteens FROM GOD!”
“Which one?”
(High insight roll)
“(The right one!)”
“FFFFFFFFUUUUUUU-“
They then enter the caverns again, looking for the dragon they said came here a while ago. They kill a swarm of poison lizards (I don’t remember) and another water elemental. They move down the hall and notice pipes spewing tainted water and hear voices chanting. They stumble upon an arcane ritual by some cult of what appears to be pimps. They’ve got a prostitute (whore/hoe/bitch/callgirl/lots of different names) on an altar and a charged magic crystal on a pedestal in the middle of the room. Instead of rescuing the maiden, they quickly join the cult (Bad police!) and roll Arcana checks to help with the ritual.
“God sent us to help you!”
Now, normally, I had no dragon, not even what happens after the ritual is completed, but since they wanted a dragon, I had them summon a Black Dragon. Should’ve been Green, considering the poison and all that, but whatever. They stab the whore, blood spills, and the dagger turns it to poison, lots of evil lighing arcs from the crystal to the trollop on the altar, etc. Cue FMA:B music.
The Wizard talks to the dragon in Draconic as the Fighter intimidates the sorcerer pimp into letting the Wizard be. They discern that the Dragon is bound to the crystal, and consequently whoever conjures him has control of him. They promise to free the dragon. Good news is, they control half of the dragon. Bad news is, the pimps have the other half. Neutral news is, they cancel each other out and the dragon is basically bound to one spot. But he’ll still have a role to play once people start dying.
And we have to stop on the climactic battle. When they win and return to the city, they have plans to mount the crystal to the staff. What they don’t realize is that the campaign has truly just begun. As soon as they return, they’ll be thrust into a journey that takes them all across the country.